Growing up With Toby

There is so much to learn and appreciate from loving families with an autistic member. Bianca Francisco Dizon, 29-yr-old sister of Toby Francisco, grew up helping her parents, JJ and Pinky, nurture and bring out the best in her autistic brother. As a Lead BCBA (Board Certified Behavior Analyst) herself, we learn from her about the Francisco Family’s journey and take with us an immense appreciation and compassion toward people with autism. 

February 2021 bride Bianca with husband Kevin.

FMAG: You have pursued a profession related to helping people with autism. 

BFD: I work as a BCBA (Board Certified Behavior Analyst) for a company called Thrive Therapy and Social Center, where we work with children with autism using Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA). ABA is an evidence-based and scientific approach to understanding behavior. It can be used to help in increasing communication skills, daily living skills, social skills, and functional living skills, as well as decreasing problem behaviors. 

I create goals and programs to help our clients and families with their needs, mainly at home or at our center. Every day I see about 3-5 clients per day. My day varies per client needs. I am either observing session hands on and modeling how to run goals and programs with a client, going over behavioral strategies with parents, looking over and analyzing data that was collected from sessions, creating and updating goals and programs, working with speech therapists and/or other professionals and collaborating on goals, and more. 

FMAG: You were born in Singapore but moved to the US when you were very young. What do you remember most about your growing up years in Singapore?

BFD: I lived and grew up in Singapore until I was nine years old. I mainly remember going to school, having to learn Chinese (which I struggled with, haha), hanging out with church friends and family friends, and of course the food. I still miss my primary school cafeteria’s char kway teow! I can still vividly remember the taste and no Singaporean restaurant here in California has come close to it!

Newlyweds Kevin and Bianca with parents of the bride, JJ and Pinky Francisco.

FMAG: What do you like about the Filipino culture?

BFD: I love that our Filipino culture strongly values family, faith, traditions, and being respectful, caring, and hardworking. I also especially love the food, and I love the community that our culture always presents. 

FMAG: How did your family support and manage Toby’s autism?

BFD: I remember that even at a young age, I would notice that Toby was “different” from other kids. He wouldn’t talk as much as other kids or wouldn’t want to engage or play with other kids. I was about 6 or 7 years old when Toby was first diagnosed with autism. I didn’t know what autism was at the time, but I remember my parents explaining to me that Toby would need more help to help him understand and communicate. 

I remember that my mom would spend so much time working with him after being taught and trained by a behavior therapist. We had a purple table set up in our room that was Toby’s “work” table, and I would see my mom and Toby sitting there, working together, as my mom taught him new skills. I especially remember my mom taking pictures of us and having Toby learn to identify us by name or by taking pictures of us doing specific actions like brushing our teeth, playing with toys - for Toby to learn and identify different actions. We would have pictures of objects and toys around the house to help Toby gain his communication skills. 

It was awesome because our whole family was involved in helping and teaching Toby, which was so important looking back at it now. I really don’t think Toby would be where he is today if it weren’t for my mom dedicating so much of her time working with him, and for getting the whole family involved in helping and teaching Toby. 

FMAG: Who made the greatest impact in Toby’s life? 

BFD: My parents made the most impact in Toby’s life. They were the ones who really shaped him and helped him grow into who he is today. My brother really loves my parents and respects them a lot. As he got older, I would say that his high school experience also became one of his greatest influences. He made so many friends and got into football, hip hop, music, and working out—which are his biggest passions now. 

FMAG: What were the joys and challenges growing up with Toby?

BFD: The joys of growing up with Toby was learning to love his little quirks and the unique things he would say or do that makes him who he is. For example, when he was younger, he would engage in a lot of pretend play, and it was amazing to see how much he was able to imitate and was creative in finding ways to imitate it. He would imitate scenes of pretend play being in an airplane, being a teacher in a classroom, and more. 

Toby with sibilings Tina and Bianca in Singapore.

Being his older sister, I was always protective of him and wanted to make sure that he was getting all the help that he needed, which in turn taught me so much about patience. I loved seeing how much he grew up and all the skills that he gained as he got older, especially his social skills. I would always tell people that Toby was the most social one out of all of us; he was so good at making friends and every time we would go out to the mall or to the restaurant, he would always run into someone he knew! And they were always so excited to see Toby and would stop to talk to him. 

Some of the challenges were mainly when he was younger and was first diagnosed with autism. He would have tantrums and didn’t have much communication skills. I remember that during his tantrums, I would be the one he’d go to to pull my hair. I never took it personally though, and as his ate (big sister), I just knew that I had to be patient. 

Another challenge I vividly remember when we were younger was when our family had a trip to Disneyland. At the time, Toby was afraid of mascots. We had been working on it during his therapy sessions at home, where Tina (Bianca and Toby’s younger sister) and I would dress up in costumes to help him understand that it was just people under the costumes. We thought he’d been better with tolerating it, and so we entered Disneyland, but then he saw a mascot and threw a huge tantrum. We had to cut our trip short, and I remember being really sad that I couldn’t enjoy Disneyland because Toby was afraid of the mascots. 

FMAG: What do you think your parents did so well with Toby?

BFD: My parents demonstrated so much patience and perseverance when Toby was first diagnosed, and even through all the challenges, they were always there to support him and help him in any way they can, which showed me that I can also be helpful and supportive. 

FMAG: What is your hope for Toby?

BFD: My hope for Toby is that he is happy and lives a fulfilling life that he enjoys. I hope that he continues to be the amazing young man that he is and to continue learning and growing.

I just want to say that even with answering all these questions and sharing my experience and stories, I still don’t feel like it is enough to describe how much of an impact my brother has had on me and my family. He is truly so inspiring, and he has taught me so much about patience, perseverance, and hope. 

Also, seeing how my parents adjusted and helped shape Toby into who he is today showed me how amazing my parents are in Toby’s journey. Our family’s experience with Toby and his ABA therapy has really inspired me and led me to finding my passion in pursuing ABA and working with individuals with autism as my career. I witnessed and experienced first-hand all the positive outcomes that ABA and family involvement had done for Toby and for our family, and I knew that I wanted to share that hope with other families and help other families of autism live a fulfilling life. 

Toby is such an inspiration, and he is so much more than a diagnosis. He is Toby, he is unique in his own way, and I wouldn’t change anything about him for the world!