Worry for Autistic Son Amidst COVID19
Dear Dr Aura,
I am 74, married with four adult children including a special child. With COVID19 as a daily threat, I particularly worry about this son of mine who has autism. I also feel scared for myself - of going out and getting infected. When these thoughts enter my mind, the next serious worry is what will happen to my autistic son? He is highly dependent on family and caregivers. I start feeling restless in the day and sleepless at night. I have not stepped out of the house since GCQ (General Community Quarantine). I have no appetite, losing weight and just feel hopeless!
I have led a successful corporate life before retirement, and I am financially stable. These days, I spend most of my time at home with my domineering wife who had made most decisions at home.
While I have no serious health threat, I have a heart condition but is well controlled through medication.
My three other children are all abroad and independent. However, with my autistic son – it is a different matter. How can I be more relaxed and peaceful and how can I deal with my special son who is a constant cause of worry especially if anything should happen to me?
Melandro Jose (name had been changed to protect sender’s identity)
Dear Mr Jose,
These are extraordinary times, and I can imagine why you are worried for yourself and your family, particularly your child who has special needs. This worldwide pandemic is affecting all of us in different ways. The positive aspect to it is that we are all in this together. The whole world is looking for solutions to this virus, and we can get some comfort from that.
And although this virus is truly worrisome, you mentioned that you have not been going out of the house since the GCQ, so your chances of getting infected is low. I am sure you have been doing your part in keeping good hygiene and safety measures at home. Continue doing this and try to enjoy your time being at home with family. Focus on things that you would love to do, like watching relaxing movies or listening to old music, with family or even alone sometimes. This extra time at home will also provide you with opportunities to bond one on one with your wife and hopefully talk to her about her domineering ways - if this is something that affects you negatively.
If you have not yet done so, this is also a good time to set up long term care for your child who has special needs and make sure he is ready for his future. You can enlist the help and support of your other children in making sure your child with special needs is never left behind or neglected. Being financially stable is a huge advantage in providing for this child who remains dependent on you and caregivers. You may not realise it, but you have already prepared yourself and your family for this particular stage in your life. Given the success you have had in the past, navigating this particular stage of life will be just as successful.
Stay connected with family and friends during the pandemic. Just talking to them and expressing your feelings will be a big help. And in the process, you will find that you are a big help to them, too. You will realise that indeed, we are all in this together.
Dr. Aura
